Translation:

I, Darrick W****, am admitting to the fact that I am a pathetic pussy and cannot drink any better than my dead grandmother. I suck. I may also be a faggot.
-I don't know, but my bum hurts alot-

Signed: Darrick W****
[Signatures:] Chris F******* 'CJ'
David B*********
Kevin R***
James B******
Witness: Chris B******